Then through thick dark forest areas that opened again into wide expanses of corn fields and rolling hills, enjoying seeing cows and sheep grazing, red barns, remembering how I once thought about becoming a farmer but got married to someone not interested in living off the land and my life went in a different direction. Still, what made me suddenly take off baffled me, but at the same time, I felt good about following my sudden urge. “Why the hell not? You’re only young once,” I said out loud, looking up at several chicken hawks gliding high over the fields, realizing I’m not that young any more and every day counts. Anyway, this was so unlike me. I had no plan, no map and didn’t care where I ended up. After all these years of doing what was expected, getting married out of college, having two daughters, now grown, teaching at the same school for twenty years, coming home every day to a dying marriage and finally divorcing, I was weary of the plainness and safety of my life. I love. I was feeling pretty good about getting my room cleaned out and was already day dreaming about my new more grown up room. After dinner and dish washing duties were finished, I retreated into my bedroom to watch our spare TV. An old scary Boris Karloff movie was on and no one in the living room wanted to watch it except me. I plopped myself down on my bed and started to get comfortable when my mother came into the room. ‘I noticed you didn’t pull out your baby crib and high chair, Carol’ Mom said, ‘Were you planning to take them to the new house when we move?’ My mother had a way of getting right to the heart of things. She peeked inside my closet and continued. ‘It’s just that I haven’t seen you and your friends play with these things in a very long time. I just thought you were done with them.’ I guess I hadn’t thought about it in those terms. ‘Gee, Mom, do you need to know right now?’ I said, more thinking out loud. Besides, I was getting into my movie and didn’t want to miss any.
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